ALL THESE FAMOUS GAMERS & I GO WITH MEGAN FOX? YEP!
Oh, Megan Fox. I didn’t think you were the right person to write an article on. You haven’t been in anything relevant since Jennifer’s Body, and you’ve been out of the limelight for many, many years.
…Or at least I thought until I saw that you are, indeed, a gamer and a giant geek. You were more than just your role in Transformers. You’re April O’Neil in the TMNT movies, the voice of Lois Lane in Robot Chicken, and a huge fan of Mortal Kombat. You know, for someone who has been hated for pretty much her entire career, I give you props. You’re one of the queens of the nerds.
Still, Megan, never have I seen one article on your Street Fighter fandom. Do you play the game? Do you even know that a Hadoken is? You better, considering Street Fighter is the godfather of all games (and keep in mind, STREET FIGHTER IS MORE THAN II). Hell, Mortal Kombat owes its very existence to Street Fighter – Fatalities were inspired by Street Fighter’s dizzy mechanic! Oh, sure, you wanted to be Kitana, but really, you’re better off playing Rose or Laura Matsuda or Decapre.
“But I like Mortal Kombat!”, you say, clutching your Kitana body pillow. Nothing wrong with Mortal Kombat. It’s a fine game.
But it’s not Street Fighter.
Lorewise, Street Fighter has more relatable characters: the wrestling mechanic, the fighting mayor, the avenging cop, the high school ninja. In a way, the characters of Street Fighter are us: all of them have some sort of real-life occupation that anyone could do. Mortal Kombat has like 30 playable shadow ninjas.
Megan, someone like you needs a dose of video game semi-reality. You need someone with a more down-to-earth personality. You need someone who reflects your own persona, someone who can best be described as turbulent. It would also help if that person could be described in one word.
He is Rashid of the Turbulent Wind. Remember the name well. This man is a hero. He stopped Bison’s Operation C.H.A.I.N.S. project, got revenge on the man who killed his best friend, and most of all, he helps people become famous on the Internet.
Rashid, being the rich, Middle Eastern son of royalty, also gets to play around with a Dragon Ball Z-style scouter, although its actual function hasn’t been revealed as of the time of this writing.
“BuT RaShId iSn’T kiTanA!”
No he’s not. But… if you absolutely, positively need a Kitana substitute, there is someone else. Someone who once shared Kitana’s name (with a slight spelling variance). Someone who even uses katanas (and jittes) as a weapon!
This is Sodom. A former member of the Mad Gear gang, he was originally in the game Final Fight as one of the level bosses. After Belger’s death and the break-up of Mad Gear, Sodom set out to reform it once again. However, Sodom turns out to be far less capable than Belger, and is often used for comedy. Why? Because he’s a weeaboo.
Sodom is an American who is a total Japanophile. He wants to be Japanese, but the primary source of his comedy comes from him being completely unable to speak or write the language correctly. Despite his fearsome appearance, Sodom is a total goofball.
“BuT SoDOm iSn’T A gIrL!”
I gave you a Middle Eastern prince and a katana (and jitte)-wielding American dork. But if you need a girl, I’ll give you one that puts Kitana to shame.
Makoto is a Japanese girl whose father ran a dojo before he passed away. Makoto, wanting to honor her father and his legacy, entered both the Street Fighter IV and Street Fighter III tournaments to revive it (for the record, IV’s tournament came before III’s, so the order is chronologically sound). In her ending in III, she succeeds, fighting and beating any and all opponents who dare challenge her.
So, we have a girl who honors her late father by reviving his dojo and beating everyone who challenges her without breaking a sweat versus a 10,000 year old princess who helps her father conquer the Netherrealm, realizes she was duped, and then tries to kill him. It’s the equivalent of Goku vs Vegeta.
Goku wins every time.
(Steven Mane is a voice actor and Street Fighter fanatic who writes Street Fighter lore theories in his spare time. Check out all of his theories at Mane Street and make sure you follow him on Twitter at @StevenManeVox).