Come on, Pete!!!
Oh, Pete Holmes. What happened, man? Street Fighter Red Tape was AMAZING! You have a book out, you’re doing stand up across the country, you’re making money… but your best work were those wonderful segments that gamers like me can watch indefinitely because you (or your marketing team) had the foresight to put them online. Shame on TBS for putting an end to the fun, but shame on you for not continuing it!
Where’s Zangief? Where’s E. Honda? Where’s Cammy? Why haven’t I seen anything about you even mentioning the game? Were you even a fan of it, or did one of your writers go, “Hey, you know what’d be funny? Street Fighter parodies!” That guy deserves a promotion!
I’m just gonna guess and say that, you being raised a good Christian boy, you never played games growing up, except for stuff like Bible Adventures. If that’s the case, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. I do believe that one day there will actually be a halfway decent Bible game released. Today is not that day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either. (VeggieTales fans, please close your browser now.)
Pete, you need to get back into gaming videos, bro. If Adam Conover can create a Twitch account with 40 watchers per stream and still make ends meet, so can you.
You thought I was kidding???
“So,” you timidly begin asking, as you hold a blanket and suck on your thumb. “Where do I start?” Pete, that is a very good question. Have a cookie.
See, you, like every other celebrity I have mentioned so far, are under the same stigma: that Street Fighter II is the only Street Fighter ever! AND YOU’D BE WRONG, CAUSE STREET FIGHTER IS MORE THAN II!
Break the stigma, man!!!
Here’s what you need, Pete. You need a character who is spiritual like you once were. Someone who, like you, can bring order to chaos. Not necessarily in a funny way, because Street Fighter doesn’t always do that (lots of murder… hysterical…), but in a way I think you can relate to.
Pete, Rose. She isn’t a gamble, and fans of her iconic red dress are hoping it will be reinstated if and when she returns to Street Fighter V. Like Charlie, hustle is her style of gameplay. You can get the most hits in if you can play her like an all-star.
But enough about her gameplay. I’m a lore guy. So, much like you, Pete, she is the good half of another person’s soul, expelled from the body of M. Bison and reformed as a tarot-card reading psychic. Also like you, she has made it her mission to stop evil wherever it is, wanting to destroy Bison especially, even if it means the cost of her life.
Wait. That doesn’t sound like you. A’ight. Let me try again.
She’s teaching young kids how to use their abilities to fight evil…? Close enough. Meet Menat and Maggio.
Menat is a young Egyptian woman whose first appearance was as a Season 2 character in Street Fighter V. As a disciple of Rose, she uses the same kind of Soul Power her “Master” uses. She tries her best to put on a mysterious air when she runs into people, but in reality she’s naive, ditzy, and adorable.
As for Maggio, what is known so far is that he is Aprile’s sister. Who is Aprile, you ask? She’s one of Bison’s Dolls, his personal bodyguards kidnapped by Shadaloo, brainwashed to serve him, and trained in assassination.
Maggio trained under Rose alongside Menat, and uses a yo-yo to fight, much like Mike Jones from Startropics (which is not related to Street Fighter at all – it was just a good game and worth mentioning; I could have also said Ness from Earthbound, but I thought of Mike first). Both Menat and Maggio appear in an Udon Comics Menat one-shot, and… that’s about it for those two (still waiting to see if Maggio is his last name, with his first name as Jody…).
Rose herself first appeared in the Street Fighter Alpha series, which I’m assuming you never played, Pete. Let’s just say you missed out on some awesome characters (like Sakura, Karin, R. Mika, Dan, a more power-made-fleshed out Akuma….), all of which would have made Street Fighter Red Tape even deeper.
I really just have one request: Bring back Street Fighter Red Tape. It appears you’re rich enough, if all that touring you’re doing is any indication. Plus, you have a chance to really dig into Street Fighter’s lore and do some amazing stuff with the more recent characters.
So, break away from the original game! Come join the legions of Street Fighter fans who want you to do more with it! Your Street Fighter Red Tape videos, as of the time of this writing, had a combined 17,824,479 views! AND THAT’S NOT INCLUDING THE OUTTAKE VIDEOS.
YES, I COUNTED.
AND THE NUMBER WILL BE HIGHER BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, IF YOU READ THIS! So, your career is going fine, your personal life seems to be okay, you have a book out… SO MORE STREET FIGHTER RED TAPE, PLEASE. If we can have professional fake documentaries done by the fans on Balrog and Vega…
…there’s no excuse for you not to continue your gaming legacy, either.
(Steven Mane is a voice actor and Street Fighter fanatic who writes Street Fighter lore theories in his spare time. Check out all of his theories at Mane Street and make sure you follow him on Twitter at @StevenManeVox).